The weather in the DMV has been pretty typical of a transitional season like Fall but for some reason I have been ill prepared this year. I haven’t been ready for the shifts in the temperature, the darkening of the sky as I leave work in the afternoon, the “give yourself an extra 5-10 minutes to warm up the car” mornings. I haven’t wanted to wear a coat or anything (I think I’ve adapted my sister-in-law’s habit of wearing a sweater and blasting the heat in my car…lol). I haven’t even started listening to my Christmas music yet and anyone who knows me knows that is a personal tragedy of the highest order. There’s no time of the year that can be considered in appropriate for Christmas jams, yet when Donnie Hathaway’s “This Christmas” came on my shuffle this morning, I committed a flagrant foul on the play and skipped the song. I feel like I need to go get some sackcloth and ashes.
Perhaps my reluctance to embrace the natural changes of the seasons is because of the way the tides are changing in my personal life. I have been offered an opportunity to intern at a renowned institution beginning in January in a place that I’ve never been before. I’m nearing the end of my graduate program and have lots to think about – internships, comp exams, national licensure exams, doctoral programs, better branding for the Girl with Black Pearls, and the next steps in general.
So lots of excitement but lots of apprehension. I told someone the other day that when God starts answering prayers – the prayers you prayed for so long, the prayers you cried over for weeks and months, the prayers that you tired of praying because you convinced yourself that God was not listening and was not interested in your affairs – it can be disconcerting. I have found myself asking lately, “Wow God, is this what I asked for?” The opportunities that I find in front of me at this point I could not and did not orchestrate myself and the magnitude of it smacks me in the face. Just like the November wind this week (it’s been fierce, bruh).
This has been especially humbling for me because 1) I’m impatient, 2) I’m used to making things work and happen a certain way, and 3) the glimpses of what I see about my future just based off these opportunities are hella scary. Oh, and, I don’t really do well with change. I’m the type of person who takes awhile to get comfortable wherever she is but once I’m comfortable, I’m cool to stay for awhile. Apparently, that’s not even close to what my life is supposed to be about. And I know I have to come to terms with that, just like I have to come to terms with this disrespectfully cold weather. Selah.
Winds of change – some people love it and some people hate it. As for me, I’m gearing myself to be prepared for whatever because if the last year has taught me anything, it has taught me these two things: 1) change is not nearly as bad as you perceive it to be, and 2) some of life’s biggest blessings come mixed in with the coldest winters or the fiercest fall winds.
And this Fall’s harvest for me is plentiful and this Winter’s wonderland will be a blast! Be prepared (as I typed that, I literally sang it like Scar in the Lion King. Y’all pray for me…lol).