The past three days, I have been so sluggish and feeling sick. On Monday, my stomach was hurting badly. Tuesday and Wednesday, my body was achy and all I seemed to want to do was sleep. And I did just that – I got up and went to work and then came home and slept. I recognized what was going on. I had been here before. I was internally fighting and it was physically manifesting. And i was tired – really tired.
A good friend text me earlier in the day to check on me and to share with me how she felt about what has been going on in my life. And to be honest, i had started tuning people out whenever they mentioned anything about “God’s plans” or “what God is doing.” Yeah, I know…that’s horrible, right? The PK tuning out stuff about God? Gasp. But I was not trying to hear anything about THIS being anything close to what God has planned for me. I’m just not here for it. Let me be.
So then she shared with me a decision she made in faith last week. When i say she made this decision in faith, it was coated in faith. I took in her story in awe. She was turning down the very thing she thought she needed because she felt like God was leading her to do otherwise. Umm. Now, I’m definitely the rebellious child who has no problem admitting that the “faith walk” downright stinks at times, especially for a planner/organizer/slightly Type A personality/control freak/analytical type like myself. You won’t catch ME not doing things and leaving it all to God to do everything…no sir. I’m guessing therein lies the problem.
She said God led her to John 6:6. I didn’t read it at the time; i just listened and mulled. i listened and mulled. I talked to Sam and he kept exhorting me to not automatically tune out the people around me who were calling me to recognize God’s goodness even in this. He was right…but everything about right now was causing me to internally GO AWF.
I finally read John 6:6 – “This He was saying to test him, for He Himself knew what He was intending to do.” (NASB) In context, this is the famous Bible story of when Jesus fed the five thousand. The crowd had followed Jesus and Jesus knew He had to do something to be able to feed these people. After all, Passover was approaching. So Jesus looked at one of his disciples and inquired about how they were going to feed the crowd. He was inquiring with his entirely human disciple about where they were going to buy enough food to meet the need. And that’s where verse six comes in – He did that to test Philip, knowing full well what He was planning to do.
So many times in life, the Lord presents us with circumstances that ask the same question. “What are we going to do to meet the need?” Whatever the need is, place it there. And yet what we fail to realize or maybe don’t want to realize is that the question that is produced from the circumstance is only a test for He Himself knows what He intends to do. The story goes on to describe how Philip’s answer to Jesus’ question did not even contribute to the solution. The solution came from an unexpected source and when placed in the hands of Jesus, it was multiplied and even produced overflow.
Just because you don’t know what God intends to do doesn’t mean that He doesn’t know. And guess what, we don’t have to know. Jesus did not call a team meeting with His disciples to give full details on how He was going to provide. He just did. And He just will.